One of the commonest plaints in the lesbian press concerns the real or anticipated attitude of parents on learning that their daughter is a lesbian. Is this a valid concern or is it based on a fundamental fallacy? Let us examine it.

First, and perhaps silliest, is the idea that "if I were heterosexual I could discuss my dates and all that happened on them with my mother and father." Now, in most cases this just isn't so. I see heterosexual boys and girls year in and year out. A few are on close enough terms with their parents to share a small part of their happiness in regard to the person they love or think they love-and, knowing these parents and the relationship of trust and understanding between them and their children, a little tact, a rational plea for patience and sympathy in regard to a lesbian daughter would without doubt go far toward maintaining the harmony of such a family. And it is important to remember that even in these families the reticence of a decent sense of privacy is maintained. The details of last night's neck. ing party or affair are not discussed.

In the other ninety percent, family relations range from a permissive indifference to downright hostility. hostility. Since the truth of the matter is that the nearest any of the members have come to confidences is the exchange concerning the necessity for a car on the part of the young person and the impossibility of affording the insurance on the part of the paying parent -it is unreasonable to insist on a warm, sympathetic family circle around one's lesbianism. The solution here is the same solution that will solve the other problems-how you dress, when you come home, who your friends are, why you don't go to church, and the innumerable other sources of friction common to the families of homosexuals and hetero-

sexuals alike—get a job and move out.

We have been discussing the teenage or young adult situation. What about the older lesbian who still lives at home with one or both parents? No doubt there are individual circumstances which would justify this situation, but they are few and far between and of a temporary nature. Too often, however, a mild indisposition on the part of a parent serves as an excuse for a woman to live at

home, supported by her parents (and to complain about how hard her lot is) or, if she works, to expect the same care she had in the nursery and none of the restraints. Things just don't work that way. The divorce statistics which show in-laws to be at the bottom of more than fifty percent of broken marriages are just as valid for lesbian relationships. And may we suggest that before all fingers are pointed at the parents, a closer look be taken at the maturity of the woman who is unable or unwilling to answer in the affirmative the question about "forsaking all others."

It is too bad that so many lesbians let their self-consciousness and sense of guilt color their views of the world. The established happy lesbian relationships existing in the arts, professions, sports and business, in city, town, and on campus, attest to the combined indifference and ignorance of the world around them. There are two secrets to their success: first, they regard their marriage as a private matter whose value lies in the joy of their relationship one to the othernot as a symbol of their contempt for society and its mores; second, they conform in dress and manner to the society and occasion where their background, present interests, and work, place them.

Too often lesbians, as well as Dr. Albert Ellis, confuse transvestism, poor housekeeping, unpaid bills, a ridiculous promiscuity and a childish irres-

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